Grab Hold With All Your Might

Now
 

The time has come

It's in the layers

It's in the layers

It's in the layers

In the scents and colors both perfect and onion 

It's in the bitterness and the warmth of a blanket sewn so perfectly for the weight of my skin

It's the rubbed in shine, sunlight glinting

Oh the elbow grease it took to light up this life

This one chance we have to make something that matters

Let me forget myself so that others might realize themselves

I have within me a power that will crack the center of the earth with my whisper of say so

I will reign in my whisper so that I can caress the softest skin with truth

The toughest skin and scar tissue with hope

I will control the fire in these first hours 

With wisdom and understanding

Knowing that this blaze will produce a diamond that will alight on the finger of humanity

Making us all richer for the realization 

That we are together, intertwined and one, even in our vast differences

I am undone by the tapestry of our future

Let us grasp our destinies, our supposed to be, our this is what I was born for

For such a time as this, we have been called and set apart

Part the sea with your staff, never look back and never apologize

The time has come

It's Clearer Up Here

Aerial View

We saw you, when the earth shook you loose,
Build a ladder from your backbones
To climb back up, day after day

We saw you in the bitter frost & the cold,
Circle your hearts
Passing an ember from hand to hand
Until you glowed from within once again

We saw you in the night, silent and shattered
Staring into the darkness

Until the path was awash in your light
So while you stumbled, you never fell.

We saw you in the brush strokes & tears,
Create something new from what was past
Until the old and dusty gallery

Sang with your colors

We saw you in the sun tipped mist of morning,
Breathe deeply as life was rekindled
In the eyes of a boy and the smile of a girl

We see you, in the drought and the deluge

Keeping your vigil

Candle flames holding steady, staying true

We see you, your footprints in the valley

Your broken nails in the mountainside

Your words ever weaving a guide rope

For those to come

We see you, laughter and cornerstones your legacy
Hundreds bearing witness to the work of your hands.

The beat of your hearts giving us the air.

We see you.

Recovery

Will

The open wound of you still gapes within my heart

Jagged edges I can’t sew together with nothing but whispers

I mock my own pain in the mirror, dancing with myself

Tipping my hat to the shadow that lingers on my bed

You spin a brilliant light in their wide-open, empty eyes

Throwing out line after line of silver tongued memories

Until they dance around you like crazed marionettes

Kindred on the surface imprinted with your same manic song

But I know the secret of every rotted bough in your waters

The dank and dark where you live split right down the middle

Laughter and tears all together, streaming from your mouth’s web

You take a bow for the cheering crowd snapping photos in your head

I was there in your blackness watching you stumble against walls

Screaming the blame back into everyone else, always someone else

I carved a flashlight from my own chest, my own beating chambers

Not realizing then, I’d come to miss the weight of my own worth

We were covered in our blood and yet it wasn’t enough to save us

Transfusions were needed but our veins couldn’t take the invasion

At least, you didn’t believe they could, so you opted not to bother

Better to stay beneath the bandage, tidy and managed for now

I opted to find healing, a full surgical assault on my busted soul

My axiom, my genesis long since forgotten, coming back in drops

Salty and sweet on my tongue, this remembering, rediscovering

I stand now, still with this wound of you, but standing all the same

Time will, slowly and gently, see you ended with delicate stitches

I will sleep with both eyes closed and breathe deeply of peace

I will dance again with someone new or stay a partner to myself

I will rise and sing and layer by layer, I will recover all of me. I will.

Light in the Tunnel

Hope

It’s tight in here, where my breath is labored and shallow

I’m pounding my heels against a bloodied trap door

All the while, out in the open, holding fresh flowers

For all to see and admire, stopping to tell me

I hope you’re doing well, you look like you are

It’s so hot in here, where my head is under water

Running up hill, endlessly, even as I fall clumsily down

Yet I welcome everyone into my hot air balloon

Soaring over the city and saying breathlessly

How lovely it is for you, up here in the freedom and fresh air

It’s crowded in here, where all my thoughts throw knives

So many brutal edges and conversations, I can’t get a word in

But still, I gather the gawkers and seekers into a circle

Passing the oils and sage around, each saying softly

Isn’t this peace delicious, better than romance and wine

It’s impossible in here, where opportunity seems dead

Doors welded shut by rust from decades of doubt

And yet, screaming, I cast out a spider’s line of silk

Barely daring to believe that out there, one day, it will be better

Better even than flowers and romance and peace

Loss

Hope for the Left Behind

I felt something leave me today
Taking the wind from my sails
Stealing the breath from my throat
My heart wept with every beat in my chest
Because I knew, it was you

I felt the ground tilt wildly under my feet
And I fell through the blackest pain
Right off the face of the earth
My hands reached out for something to hold
Hoping against hope to find you

I came to on the underside of empty
Alone in the smoke and the ash
Darkness and shadow danced
I cried out, my voice a strangled song
But a melody still, meant for you

I heard a voice in the midst of this night
Very distant and faint in the dark
Calling me back from the abyss
It was a voice I knew so I followed it home
Knowing it would lead me to you

I found you once more in the daylight
In memories and laughter and song
In the love of those that knew you
We joined hands and brought you in closer
Knowing the light in our hearts was from you

I felt someone near me today
A hand barely resting on my shoulder
A laugh, so soft, in my ear
My heart was a hummingbird for a moment or two
Because I knew, it was you

There's Darkness In Us All

Humpty Dumpty

It took 30 minutes of screaming to tear us apart

It will take days of silence to put us back together

Egg shell fragile, from the wall I fell

Slipping my hand into your back pocket

For safety, no, but to make sure you fell as well

On and on you go, finally landing on my fists

Collapsing into nothing more

Than the smears of paint God created you with

I’ll dip my fingertips in your colors

And dance them across the wallpaper

Like a spoiled child with forbidden crayons

In Grandmother’s perfect parlor

Acquiesce, sounds like singing under water

Like bubbles of fizzing laughter in your throat

But it’s a begrudged white banner, giving in, giving up

Turning our backs to find solace in ourselves

Through narrowed eyes I watch your apology

Unfolding your origami words with care

Your hands outstretched to catch us

When the thinning ice finally breaks

We breathe together, a sigh of relief

Embracing one another, safe again it seems

You turn away, satisfied, at peace with this moment

I turn away, unforgiving, heel crushing the paper crane you left behind 

Choose

It’s Time

My favorite part is leaving

Not knowing, but believing

There’s something better than this

I want to feel the breath intake

To surge upward with the earthquake

Until I am all that is left to be left

It’s the burn of fear I will shun

Raising a toast to the blessed undone

Dance a little higher now child

A sweep of white, a twist of fate

She sleeps so deeply awash in grace

Wipe the blood drops from your pillow

Take a chance on hope tipped wings

Throat wide open, stop to sing

Chase that chance into change

You are too late never, she said

Life shines bright where your feet tread
There’s something better than this

Well Below the Surface

In Heart

 It’s not blood, but something else that grafts you in

Something not so deep, yet so deep it defies veins

With missteps and misunderstandings and tears

We carved out a path with words and prayers

With perfect rhythm and revelation and laughter

We walk it now, so familiar we can be blindfolded

We were whole in our circle of DNA, yet somehow

With you, we see we were missing chromosomes all along

Know that we couldn’t do this without you, wouldn’t want to

There are pages in this story only you can write and sing

Know that we need you in this; no one else can do it

The most beautiful melodies are better with harmony

There are pauses and spaces and quiet moments

This is where your heart beats to keep ours alive

You chose us, we are blessed, we are grateful

With one you get all, that is the nature of clan

Never in law, but in heart is where you live, you breathe

Thank you.

No Reason

The Rewrite

I knew myself once, certainty was mine

There was clarity, the spelling was correct

The staples evenly placed in my binding

I loved you for a reason, life or death in the balance

I knew it was true, I was sure.
I approved of me, in the daylight, in the awake

Night was my revelation, my costume unzipped

As my heart shifting with time, slid around in my chest

My folded hands did their best to stop the bleeding internal

My skin clothed my bones in all the same different ways.

But my mind, my mind, my mind never stopped

Never stopped fighting me, hoping I was wrong, please be wrong

Every shape changing, lines crossing, meanings unraveling

My story untelling itself before my eyes

Who rewrites their beginnings? 

We do, when we learn to trust the author

So, pen in hand I start again to ink the me I am

On these freshly ironed pages, delicate but iron still

You see the foundation is strong, yet cracked in places

Where life can seep through and grow and regrow
Splintering, severing the bindings

Changing the pulse, the beat, the very rhythm

Of my breathing so that I love for no reason

Love is reason enough, I am sure.

Failure is Giving Up

Try

Take a chance and bend from the waist

To see you in that water a perfect misshapen shape

Let go with everything you have to give

A gift is useless left in ribbons and bows

Get dirty and bloody, never stopping 

Just because the rocks beneath are sharp

Take yourself seriously, less and less

So a smile that flirts with your lips

Will reach your eyes and change your world

Your mind needs a face lift, so up with it

Paint yourself with secrets and dreams

Light the candle and burn the bundle of fear

It’s heavy in your chest, but powerless when you believe

To see you in the sky reflecting heaven’s face

Take a chance and stand up 

Tick Tock

TIME

Sixty seconds, one minute

My hands can’t hold the time

It takes for those two hands

To tick away another moment

Another breath I can’t get back

Will you promise me what you can’t see?

Will you believe in me what you can’t be?

Will you trust in me what you can’t speak?

Fog is creeping over my mind

But I fight it while I love it

Because the ocean needs a partner

And you with your blurry notes

Can make me dance like no one else

Will you promise me what you can’t see?

Will you believe in me what you can’t be?

Will you trust in me what you can’t speak?

One hour, sixty minutes

I’ll hold the door, hold it open for you

Press my foot into that small space

Where everything escapes and I kick myself

For not using all of me to block the tide

  

Will you promise me what you can’t see?

Will you believe in me what you can’t be?

Will you trust in me what you can’t speak?

Time to Unveil

Becoming

I had a sense of something good, I knew it was good

Fleeting, bright and small, but I understood

I chased myself through the night, the darkest night

Fearless I stood, poised and ready to fight

I looked in a mirror to find the truth, to know the truth

But seeing isn't knowing, even when you have the proof

I slept and woke inside my dream, free within my dream

I called forth the unknown, and saw nothing is as it seems

My two hands held the secret, and I held them closed in secret

The answer is simple, is easy, is you cannot keep it

In a moment I saw a future dressed in sun, life-giving sun

I opened my mind and healed all that had been done

The power is in knowing what you can’t see, when you can’t see

The miracle is what is in front of you doesn't set you free

Open wide your mouth to receive, your life to receive

Close your throat when it disagrees, your heart believes

Within that space between then and now, finally it is now

You see the truth in the ashes of the sacred cow

You are not a broken creature of fear, there is nothing to fear

Within you is the divine, the heaven song pressing near

I am you and you are me, together we dance; it’s okay to dance

Destiny wielded its sword; we are not a game of chance

Don’t fear the flame burning bright, rising higher, ever higher

We hold the oil, wick and lamp; we are the fire

We will bring out the truth refusing the lie, never believing the lie

We will fall down and drunkenly laugh, never ceasing to try

It is you; it is me, spirit perfect in our skin and bones, strong happy bones

We will roam the earth and soar the sky always in joy, never alone.