Monday, January 30, 2012

We Will, We Won't


Toxicity that leads to falling out of love.

Half Life

Letters slip from my tongue forming words I don’t mean
Like children’s alphabet blocks slipping down a worn staircase
I do my best to scoop them back up before you hear, but too late
The damage done, the ground between us rent and smoking
I call out for you at the bottom of my voice, giving most of my all

Anger stiffens your spine, and you taste the bitterness in your mouth
Like a marionette with strings pulled taut and aspirin melting in its throat
You breath comes in stops and starts as you spin around to lash your whip
The sharp sting of the rapier pierces my chest and I see my pain in your eyes
You weep for us with some of your tears, and try again with part of your might

My hand reaches out to grasp what’s left of where and what we used to be
Like a ghostly wind rocking the ancient chair we’ve sat in so many times before
My sanded fingertips barely reach your face before I am weary with the effort
The empty space hangs loosely around us, ill-fitting and cold with distant rain
I believe in you with some of what I have, pouring out a portion of my hope

The night falls quickly as you rise from the ashes and turn away from me
Like a broken doll with despair etched across your shoulder blades
Our hearts snap back within our rib cages guarded and poisoned by our anger
Separately we walk together, up the stairs that carry us to and fro each day
We’ll start again with half our hearts and scream for us at the middle of our lungs

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

In Time

Love is My Fancy

I imagine you sometimes
Though my practical heart intervenes and it hurts to go on
I pretend you sometimes
Holding my hand, laughing in time, my safety in a crowded room
I believe in you sometimes
And hope through my tears, you’ll come true

I dream you sometimes
Tall enough and strong, dark hair in the wind, eyes sparking mine
I see you sometimes
Coffee, good books and old westerns on rainy Saturdays
I wish for you sometimes
And hope through my doubts you’ll come true

I write you sometimes
As detailed lists of must haves, wants and needs
I sing you sometimes
Begging my voice to reach you and like magic make you appear
I breathe you sometimes
And hope through my fears you’ll come true

I ask for you sometimes
Praying away a loneliness that would steal my heartbeat
I need you sometimes
A partner in this untamed dance, who’s not afraid to practice the steps
I cry for you sometimes
And hope in my heart you’ll come true.

This Too Shall Pass...

Inside Out

I awoke this morning, heart weighed down, a lead balloon
Muscles strangely tensed and sore, strange as I haven’t moved
My mind trembles at the thought of action, even the thought
Breathing is easier cocooned within myself, safe for now

There’s bitter frost on my floor and my feet can’t bear it
I draw them back again, protected, undercover and exposed to nothing
My eyes feel heavy with the need to see a new canvas, brightly lit
My soul cries out for a spark of hunger, a burst of life, unfurled

It’s quiet in here, even when I pretend to sing a make believe song
I hold a small flame that turns my tears into prisms, but the colors are missing
The dark fades briefly and I hope, I hope, for just a moment
But sustaining it abrades the palms of my heart until they’re bruised and raw

My flesh loses track of time but my spirit records each splintered second
I ask again and again and again, now? Is it time now? Let it be now
The silent reply echoes off my walls until my ears ring and I’m deaf with the sound
If I squint I can see a glint of gold, but it’s too far away, and I’m cold with the trying

I sometimes choose the water, covering my head like a blanket, smothering
There’s a strange comfort in the sound of my muffled heartbeat, it’s all I have
A peculiar warmth like the heady rush of red wine, spreading, making no sense
But a hand breaks through this false reverie, shattering, grasping, saving

I am lifted up along the lines of pain, to the end of myself, broken by wholeness
Soaring over my used to be, my feet touch down on solid ground flowing like a river
I raise my face to the caress of an unseen breeze, the color of blood and scented with love
I weep again, dissolving the night and pulling back the veil; I am my Beloved’s. He is mine.

Love: Always Knowing, Always Learning


I wrote this poem back in October, yet didn't feel the desire to post it until now. I wrote it after I met my brother Levi's fiancée, Kellye, for the first time. I suppose this comes from my own heart, but was inspired by theirs.

On and On and On...

Love is the bright match flame
The smile that becomes a belly laugh
Out loud truth spoken honestly
The peace that spreads to your fingertips
Is love

Love is the underfoot crunch of fresh snow
A warm, hazy afternoon, languid and soft
Filling your senses with someone else
The belief that it conquers all
Is love

Love is the knife edge, becoming words, becoming tears
Battling to win, yet not lose the reflection of your heart in their eyes
Embraces that lead to I’m sorry, let’s start again, slowly
The clean dawning of each day, a new chance to do it well
Is love

Love is hanging on fiercely and letting go with care
Dark nights infused with points of the brightest light
Selflessness letting you step in their footprints
The song that sings you both to dance
Is love

Love is William’s fixed mark, his ship guiding star, born eternal
The brand that burns, marking the bone, the balm that heals
Trying and failing, trying again and again so never failing
Our compass, the place we rest our full and weary hearts, our salvation
Is love